Pappa wants mamma naked
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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