The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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