what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
