I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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