Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
