Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
nutella sex= disaster
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
