can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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