The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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