So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
