there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
