I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
