Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
