I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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