Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
