Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
