Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This gyro tastes like lonliness
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
