i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
