you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
