I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
