if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
