ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
one two three fourrrrnication!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How's work?
Spinning.
I just found a bag of teeth...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
