and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
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We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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