Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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