The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
