I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
