dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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