So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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