I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
