Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
