That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
