Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
