I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
