Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize