He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
