if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
