there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
