We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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