I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
