sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
