We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
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