A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
