Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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