My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
