put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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