If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
