I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
