I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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