toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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