Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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