woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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