dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
