How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
