Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
