Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
