we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
