he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
