I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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