Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
