Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
