I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
