I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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