That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
