I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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