I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
