Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize