Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is the high leading the old right now
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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