My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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