if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ttyl tear gas
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
