I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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