do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
