I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
