watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
