sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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