I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My ass is underappreciated
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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