At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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